Imagine a sweet, dreamy, thoughtful movie...about people who have sex with animals. Sound like your cup of tea? Well, Zoo is for you. Honestly, I'm not much of a moralist. I often question or debate whether I'm really that "good" a guy. I'm human, I have faults. I've taken money from the government to kill people before, and I'm likely to do it again. I don't feel bad about this at all. I'm making a point about moral ambiguity. I'm just not that judgmental, especially regarding sexuality.
When it comes to sex, I only have a couple of rules I am perfectly willing to help enforce on anybody. For adults, sexual partners should be of age, and the sex should be consensual (the latter of course indicates that they are capable of giving consent, which must also mean they are a functional instead of just legal adult.) That's about it. The moral problem with having sex with animals is the issue of consent. Does Fido consent? Does Kitty? Does Flicka? In any case, it's icky. It's a frickin' animal, for Pete's sake.
Well, Zoo tells the story of a man who really loved horses, in one sense of the world. And we definitely know that one loved him back. Good and hard. Since the horse was definitely the active participant, this movie revolves around the man's death. The death, apparently, was a tragedy.
Okay, let's stop here. Hold on. Right or wrong, morally incorrect or not, the death of someone who lets himself get bred by an animal five times his size or larger is NOT a tragedy. It's Darwin in action. It's suicide by horse injection. He had it coming.
So, you know, if you want to watch the horse sex movie and listen to the quiet music and earnest dialog ("sometimes we'd have a bean dish, or some kind of meat") about how these nutty fruitcakes just love animals (We're "Zoo"!), feel free. Just be certain to laugh uproariously at the comedy of it all, and lament that the newspapers concealed the man (Kenneth Pinyan)'s name. He should have had "Horse @#$%er"- or, maybe, "Horse @#$%ed" painted on the side of his casket, as a lesson for other abysmally stupid people. 2/5 stars.