Sunday, June 28, 2009


Imagine a sweet, dreamy, thoughtful movie...about people who have sex with animals. Sound like your cup of tea? Well, Zoo is for you. Honestly, I'm not much of a moralist. I often question or debate whether I'm really that "good" a guy. I'm human, I have faults. I've taken money from the government to kill people before, and I'm likely to do it again. I don't feel bad about this at all. I'm making a point about moral ambiguity. I'm just not that judgmental, especially regarding sexuality.

When it comes to sex, I only have a couple of rules I am perfectly willing to help enforce on anybody. For adults, sexual partners should be of age, and the sex should be consensual (the latter of course indicates that they are capable of giving consent, which must also mean they are a functional instead of just legal adult.) That's about it. The moral problem with having sex with animals is the issue of consent. Does Fido consent? Does Kitty? Does Flicka? In any case, it's icky. It's a frickin' animal, for Pete's sake.

Well, Zoo tells the story of a man who really loved horses, in one sense of the world. And we definitely know that one loved him back. Good and hard. Since the horse was definitely the active participant, this movie revolves around the man's death. The death, apparently, was a tragedy.

Okay, let's stop here. Hold on. Right or wrong, morally incorrect or not, the death of someone who lets himself get bred by an animal five times his size or larger is NOT a tragedy. It's Darwin in action. It's suicide by horse injection. He had it coming.

So, you know, if you want to watch the horse sex movie and listen to the quiet music and earnest dialog ("sometimes we'd have a bean dish, or some kind of meat") about how these nutty fruitcakes just love animals (We're "Zoo"!), feel free. Just be certain to laugh uproariously at the comedy of it all, and lament that the newspapers concealed the man (Kenneth Pinyan)'s name. He should have had "Horse @#$%er"- or, maybe, "Horse @#$%ed" painted on the side of his casket, as a lesson for other abysmally stupid people. 2/5 stars.


Matt G said...

"I'm human, I have faults. I've taken money from the government to kill people before, and I'm likely to do it again."

As I happen to know that those whom you killed were in the act of attempting to kill you and/or your mates, I have zero problem with this, and only lament the act if it causes you any distress. If you can deal with it (and I know that you can), I smile in pride at my friend's able dispatch of his tormentors, and wish him more of such victories in his future. :)

"Right or wrong, morally incorrect or not, the death of someone who lets himself get bred by an animal five times his size or larger is NOT a tragedy. It's Darwin in action. It's suicide by horse injection. He had it coming."

Bwahahaha! I'll say he did. I couldn't have said it better myself. The whole lot. :D

Matt G said...

Oh, and John? I noticed that you've tagged this post with "Bestiality." Does that mean that this is going to become a whole genre of your writing? ;)

HollyB said...

long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...I was a Parole Officer for folks [yes, I had women as well as men] who had been to prison for sexually related offenses. During those years I never had a Parolee who had committed bestiality.
I think that particular perversion is not an indication of the human's love for animals, but the sign of an individual's inability to make a HUMAN connection. It's not a Disease, it's a deeply rooted mis-wiring of the brain.
Just as with the predators of children they cannot be "cured". They can only be controlled. Looks like this sicko has been controlled, now.

I find the concept of a movie that would portray this type of offender as sympathetic in ANY way abhorent. It's like the child fuckers who make kiddie porn and form groups like NAMBLA to justify their despicable actions.
I KNOW I'm judgemental about this topic and I think more of us should be outraged and outspoken when these misdeeds come to light.

As for your statements about yourownself, what Matt said.
Looking forward to seeing you!

Snigglefrits said...

Have you got any idea what kind of hits you're gonna get from google now?

I'm still getting hits over folks wanting to know how/where to insert a cucumber from my gardening posts.
Funniest thing I've seen all week.

Have a great day, John!

J.R.Shirley said...


I am somewhat distressed, at times. Just, as I said, not especially about the people I've killed.

I can't see "bestiality" being a common theme, here. But, as Snigs said, I'm not hit-adverse.

Holly, I think I would agree. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with being "judgmental". Some acts deserve public censure.

Snigs...never mind. You have a great week, too.


Unknown said...

As a wise man once said:
Bestiality is Baaaaaaad. And "Baaaa" means no in sheep.

Snigglefrits said...

You know, I'm not sure why I just thought of this, but...

I hear they've come up with a new method for safe sex in Alabama. They paint X's on the sheep that kick.

I couldn't resist & hope you can forgive me John. ;)

J.R.Shirley said...

You know, I grew up in Alabama. I'm not sure I saw any sheep there*, except for one exotic ram that NO-ONE wanted to cross.

*(protection programs, maybe?)

Old NFO said...

Got what he deserved... :-)

phlegmfatale said...

Sometimes, a sheep really does need to be pushed through a fence.

That's what I've heard, anyway.

charlotte g said...

huh. I've never seen it happen in person, but in Child Protective Services we not only had perverts who tried penetration with a six-month old baby (survived), but a rabbit(didn't live), a horse and a German Shepherd. And two of the pervs were women.
I can't see much entertainment value in "Zoo". Reminds me a lot of a friend who once took a job swamping out an x-rated video place where people could go into little rooms to watch privately...he swept up a LOT of vegetables. He took the job because he was really poor at the time. He never once considered taking the vegies home for dinner, and it pretty much turned him off porn, at least for awhile...
you're right. It's cogent consent of consenting adult humans we are looking at. Er, talking about. My porn movie janitor DID have some funny stories.

Assrot said...

All I can do is shake my head and wonder what our world is coming to. You are correct. There was no tragedy here. It was definitely Darwin in action.

What's the world coming too when humans have sex with beasts, said beast kills human and a movie is made about the tragedy of the beast killing the human?

Jesus wept. I've outlived my time. I am sick of this world and the disgusting, immoral people that do such things and make movies about such filth.

As for killing during times of war, I see no problem with that since the other guy would have killed you given the chance. Still, anyone who kills and thinks nothing of it might just have a problem that Darwin will solve sooner than later.


Tam said...

Sweet. Zombie. Jesus.

It slowly dawned on me as I read this post that the movie to which you were referring actually exists and is not some kind of spoof...

Home on the Range said...

Oh that's just. . .

I used to fly with a bunch of fellow tanker hooligans, one of whom was stopped by police as his car matched the description of a fellow that had been taking a little three legged stool and molesting the local horses. They let him go, not the guy, just a similar car. He made the mistake of telling us.

For the next month anytime we'd hear him on frequency someone would whinny.

J.R.Shirley said...

But did he do it? Naaaay.

Matt G said...

I hope, Brigid, that you didn't keep that up forever; a man can't put up with that kind of horsing around furlong.